In light of the recent sermon series that Pastor Vic walked our church through, I felt compelled to share my story around my relationship with my father and how the Lord brought forgiveness and reconciliation into both our lives. I hope this encourages others to consider reaching out to estranged family members and provides some hope as you walk through your own family trials.
I grew up in what I would describe as a dysfunctional environment where my dad was a very angry man. He would often take that anger out on me physically. One of the earliest memories I have of experiencing my dad’s aggression was around seven or eight years old. I remember my sister watching a ‘New Kids On The Block’ live performance and as I walked by, I muttered unchoice words about that group. My dad (not taking the time to talk with my sister) assumed I had directed my comment towards my sister. In a rage, he stormed at me and slapped me hard across the face. As a young child that crushed me and unfortunately would become normative. Throughout my younger years and into my high school years, my dad would often display that same rage – whether we beat him in a video game, back talked our mother, raised our voices, or got bad grades. We would “feel” his anger. I’ve been kicked across the kitchen floor, had a boot thrown at my back in full force, and knew the back of his hand all too well.
This left me on constant pins and needles when he was around. It drove me into deep insecurity and rebellion as I entered middle school and stayed with me in high school. Fast forward to the end of 2010, by the grace of God, I came to know Jesus Christ for the first time and my whole world changed. Immediately, I saw my father differently. I saw him as a sinner like me and knew that he needed Jesus. Who was I to withhold forgiveness and love from my dad, when the Lord forgave me of all my sins and saved me from its penalty? I started to pray for my dad and began to share the gospel with him as often as I could. Though my heart was changed and I was beginning to see my dad in a new light, I was not prepared for what would come next.
In 2013, it was revealed that my dad had gone years in multiple relationships with other women and had cheated on my mom repeatedly. My mom had come to know about the women, but kept them hidden many years to protect us kids. She tried her best to fight for her marriage. This of course brought a whole new wave of emotions for me, and I struggled to find the right balance between confronting my dad’s sinful choices and loving my father. That said, again by the grace of God, I tried as best I could to love him, honor him, and confront his sin. My passion for the Lord and desire to see him change pushed my dad away. For a couple of years, I would describe our relationship as very shallow. We would see each other for an occasional holiday. He would come to visit my family and me in Virginia on business trips. We would talk about Detroit sports and business but that’s where it ended. If I brought up the gospel or confronted his sin, it would usually not end well. He would pull away.
Our relationship remained the same until 2018 when my dad’s heart started to soften. Two memories standout. First, my dad and I went to breakfast near Christmas where he told me he wanted to make everything right with others no matter the consequence, shame, or embarrassment. Second, for Christmas I got my dad Matt Chandler’s book The Explicit Gospel and wrote on the inside cover. My dad later would send me a picture of the book and said, “Thank you for this.” God’s grace allowed for these things to take place. In just a few short weeks into 2019, while I was away on a business trip, my dad went into the hospital with a blood clot in his leg. I immediately left Arizona to fly to Michigan to be with my father and while in the hospital I had the opportunity to ask my dad where his hope was for eternity. He responded, “In Christ.”
A few days went by, and he was being prepared for discharge from the hospital when suddenly an undiagnosed blood clot went to his brain. My dad was placed on life support and he eventually died a few days later. There are so many other things I could share about the open doors God provided in the short time my dad was in the hospital and even after his death. There was a Muslim doctor I was able to witness to. There was opportunity to display my Christian faith to my dad’s Roman Catholic family during his dying days, and sharing the Gospel during my dad’s funeral with friends and family. As I sum up this writing, I am reminded of Joseph who said, “What you meant for evil, God meant for good.” There were some dark days growing up, but I believe God used it all for good. I am so grateful for how Jesus brought reconciliation and healing into my life, and ultimately brought me and my father closer together in his final days.
I hope this encourages others to find comfort and rest in God’s Sovereignty. May each of us recognize the need to forgive and pursue reconciliation.
In Christ,
Ryan Johnson