Book Review
“Christ-Centered Conflict Resolution: A Guide for Turbulent Times”
By Tony Merida
I highly recommend reading this short and practical book on conflict resolution. Because we are sinners conflict enters every relationship, but this is especially true for our nearest family and work relationships. Why is that? As sinners, the more time we spend with someone the more opportunity there is to disagree and come into conflict with them. Most books on conflict resolution deal only with behavior modification, not with true heart change. In raising children, it is never enough to only modify their behavior without truly reaching their heart. To see true life change in a child there must be heart change toward loving Jesus. Conflict resolution between adults is the same. Behavior modification will only take you so far and is a dead-end road. To break out from conflict there must be true heart change through the salvation of Jesus Christ.
Chapter one addresses cravings and conflict. This chapter walks through aspects of James 3:13-18 and the way that our own selfish desires and ambition lead to disorder and conflict in our relationships. This chapter begins the tone of the entire book that each person must recognize the biggest problem in relationship conflict is within your own heart. This recognizes that you cannot force change on another person and should not blame-shift the cause of struggle always away from yourself. The situation that you can fully address in any conflict relates to your own heart and situation. In each conflict we should be looking to be a peacemaker by laying down our rights, rather than stoking the fires of conflict through selfishness and demanding our rights.
Chapter two speaks to true peace in conflict coming from the cross of Jesus Christ. Merida writes, “You will not pursue Christ-centered conflict resolution if your heart is not captivated by Christ. If Christ doesn’t reign supreme in your life, then your peacemaking efforts will fall short. We cannot make peace with others horizontally without rightly worshipping the Prince of Peace vertically.” This chapter is all about the necessity of giving Jesus the first place in the affections of our heart. Loving Jesus with joy and authenticity leads to chapter five, “Love One Another.”
Chapter three focuses on what it means to be filled with the Holy Spirit and so bear the beautiful fruits of the Spirit. The Christian life must be a Spirit-filled life where we seek the work of the Lord to change us from what we once were, to who we ought to be in Christ. Merida writes, “The first way God helps you manage conflict in your life is not to change the circumstances or the other person, but to change you from the inside out by the power of the Spirit. Conflicts only change as the people involved in them change.” The chapter then goes into exploring and applying the fruits of the Spirit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control with helpful and practical applications.
Chapter four addresses the necessity of overcoming evil with good. So often we lament evil or major problems and give up in the face of these things. Based on an exposition of Romans 12 Merida presses us to understand the call of Jesus to overcome evil with good. We go forward by our salvation and in the power of the Holy Spirit to actively bless and do good to our enemies in conflict. This begins with putting to death selfishness, “We overcome evil by setting our hearts and minds on Jesus. Our love for Jesus must be greater than our love for self.” By moving past selfishness, we can truly see the needs of others and think of them in light of what they may need or how we can be a blessing to them.
Chapter five circles back to chapter two. Through the cross of Jesus Christ sinful people are reconciled to a Holy God. Through the cross of Jesus the love of God is poured out on those who believe in His salvation. We are then to go out and minister that love to a lost and dying world. As Christians we cannot remain at odds with those around us – especially not with our closest relations. We must instead be actively filled with the love of Christ and minister that love to others. Our lives should actively demonstrate gentleness, kindness, hopefulness, and practical acts of compassion to those we know. Our love should be sacrificial and thoughtful, the opposite of selfishness, impatience, and demanding our rights. These acts of love are a tangible demonstration of our true conversion.
Chapter six is filled with practical applications of the concepts contained in chapters one through five. This chapter speaks to practical introspection, over-looking minor issues, forgiveness and restoration for major conflicts, restitution for damages, necessary mediation in some cases, and church discipline in others.
In conclusion, to make progress in degraded relationships you must grow as a person and in your soul. Growth requires effort and application on your part. I encourage you to read this little book and be challenged to grow. Reading is a thoughtful and active process that engages the mind and the heart. Reading this book will cause you to actively think about your own situation and allow the Holy Spirit to convict and shape your heart.
I hope you find this helpful. May the peace of Christ rule in our hearts,
Pastor Vic
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Further connections from the sermon this past week:
- Isaiah 25:6 speaks of a coming heavenly feast of rich food and well-aged wine but is unclear what this means. It is a scene of hope, plenty, and rejoicing.
- Luke 14:7-24 & Matthew 22:1-22 are two different, but similar parables spoken by Jesus about the nature of the Kingdom of God. Both of these parables relate to the coming kingdom being like a great wedding feast. Many are invited to the bountiful and freely offered feast, but the rich and the busy make excuses and are not interested in coming. In response the host sends his servants out into the streets to invite the poor, the weak, and the diseased to come to this feast, and they rejoice over such an occasion. These parables give more clarity to the feasting concept spoken by Isaiah.
- Revelation 19:6-10 speaks to the final image of these things – the “marriage supper of the Lamb.” In this glorious heavenly scene of rejoicing the feast spoken of in Isaiah is refined down to the redeemed church of Jesus Christ (the poor and weak brought in by grace) presented as a bride at a wedding feast. Jesus our Redeemer is presented as the groom at the wedding feast and also as the Lamb of God (speaking to how he gave His life in sacrifice to redeem His bride, the church). In the scene, worship, rejoicing, and eternal hope overflow in heavenly feasting and eternal joy. The redemption of God finally complete!