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Five Healthy Habits for Marriage
5 Healthy Habits for Marriage
This is my beloved and this is my friend …” —Song of Solomon 1:16b
Happy and enduring marriages do not come about by accident or the happenstance of two “perfect people” finding each other. Every marriage consists of two sinners taking a step of faith to obey God by pledging themselves to a lifelong relationship in obedience to God’s command and according to His design. We have discussed the fundamentals of love, service, forgiveness, and healthy communication.
In this section, we’ll examine healthy habits of marriage. Happy and enduring marriages have certain healthy habits engrained into the relationship. These habits are Christ-honoring and friendship oriented. Every happy marriage is at its base a growing Christ-centered friendship – two people that enjoy being together and sharing the experiences of life. These habits are basic, but they will cut through the daily craziness and produce life-giving, Christ-honoring friendship year after year.
Date Night: It’s essential to date your spouse. So much time, money, planning, and thoughtfulness is put into dating before marriage, and often this falls off soon after marriage. Dating your spouse is an essential part of building your friendship with them. Dating your spouse involves regular creative planning and investment in your friendship. Dating builds memories and happy shared experiences. Dating gives unhurried time to talk over good food, enjoy a concert, or explore a fun place. Couples that date each other enjoy each other.
I encourage you to strive to date each other weekly. If your busy life is like mine, striving for a once-a-week date will result in twice a month. If you strive for twice a month, you’ll end up with once a month, which is not enough time together. These times don’t have to be expensive, but should be conversation-oriented and not part of your normal daily routine: dinner out, coffee shop, walk in the park, ice cream, etc. You can spend time getting busy calendars straightened out, getting on the same page about life goals, talking about the spiritual growth of your children, planning a future trip, working out disagreements that need substantial conversation. I encourage you to silence your phones and give your spouse your undivided attention.
Weekly Church: Attending church together each week with your spouse brings you together with them to worship and opens your heart to hear from the Lord. As you come to church together week after week, the Lord will bring spiritual formation to your lives together. You will learn together, worship together, pray together, be convicted together, make friends together, and grow together. Clearing the calendar for church each week also opens the door for other Sunday traditions and habits that are joyful, friendship building, and Christ-honoring. Keeping the sabbath holy involves intentionally choosing to rest and focus on Jesus one day in seven. This intentionally quiet day allows for family meals, naps, walks, reading, and memories.
Extended Time Alone: It’s essential that at least once or twice per year every married couple carve out extended time alone for just the couple – no kids or other family. This can come in many different forms, but every form says, “I love you, want to spend time with you, and I’m willing to invest time and money in our marriage and friendship.” In varying degrees this can be just a night away together in a different town or a special trip away for a few days. I strongly suggest that every few years you go to a marriage conference. Marriage conferences are best to help tune-up your marriage, rather than waiting until there is a major problem looking for a quick fix. For special anniversaries, work to get away and make the time as special as possible. Life will always work against you but fight to celebrate the special relationship of your marriage.
Self-care and personal growth: The above three healthy habits relate to the couple together. This last habit relates to the marriage partners as individuals. Marriages that happily endure through the years are made up of two individuals that never stop growing as individuals. Human beings have an incredible ability to continue growing in mental and spiritual capacity throughout their lives. A big part of the joy of friendship is discovering new things about another person and supporting another person as they work toward meaningful pursuits. When two people stop growing and stop pursing meaningful personal goals, the marriage will stagnate. This personal growth relates to self-care and personal growth goals. When people first meet, there is an emphasis on self-care and putting a good foot forward. Early in the relationship personal goals bring people together in joint life-pursuit. These ends must endure after decades of marriage.
Both husband and wife must continue to care about their personal appearance and growing as individuals. Sometimes these personal healthy habits can get lost in caring for children, aging parents, or the pressure of work and providing for a family. If these things lose focus in your marriage, refer back to date night! Personal goals in these areas are an important subject to talk about in a mutually supportive and encouraging way. When it comes to the friendship of marriage you are each helping the other to grow as a healthy person and achieve the goals the other longs for.
In my personal experience, I have never known a couple that practiced these habits that did not have a healthy marriage. Conversely, every couple I know that neglects these habits has a weak and struggling marriage. I urge you to pursue these habits. Pursue friendship with your spouse. Pursue intimacy with your spouse. Build healthy habits into your relationship that will build up a bank of good memories and strength in your marriage that can be drawn upon during darker days of hardship.
–Pastor Vic
Justice in War
Justice in War
“The Lord said to Joshua the son of Nun, Moses’ assistant, ‘Moses my servant is dead. Now therefore arise, go over this Jordan, you and all this people, into the land that I am giving to them, to the people of Israel. Every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given to you, just as I promised to Moses. From the wilderness and this Lebanon as far as the great river, the river Euphrates, all the land of the Hittites to the great sea toward the going down of the son shall be your territory. No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you. Be strong and courageous, for you shall cause this people to inherit the land I swore to their fathers to give them.’” Joshua 1:1-6
Over the past few weeks pro-Palestinian and anti-Semitic demonstrations have grown to the point of violence and mass arrests on many major US college campuses. The counterassault of Israel against Hamas has remained front page news as it nears its final phase and the struggle causes significant hardship for the people of Gaza. I believe it’s important as Christians to review this situation and clarify our thinking.
Let’s begin by looking to the past and accurately understanding the formation of the modern state of Israel. In the far distant past, the current day land mass of Israel was given to the Jewish people as a “promised land” from God. The Lord God assisted the Jews to defeat the wicked people then occupying the land. Those living in the region of Israel were driven out and the land was divided among the twelve tribes of Israel as a perpetual inheritance. Very specific laws were given by God to preserve the inheritance of the land amongst the tribes of Israel.
Eventually, Israel was disciplined by God and taken into exile, but promised by God through the prophet Jeremiah that the nation would return after 70 years of captivity. The nation was restored under the governing leadership of Nehemiah and the spiritual leadership of Ezra. In the time of Jesus, Jews were still occupying the land of Israel, but lived under Roman occupied rule. This continued until the rebellion of the Jews against Rome and the resulting fall of Jerusalem in 70 AD under Emperor Titus. This fall dispersed many Jews abroad and the temple in Jerusalem was destroyed, never to be built again. During the Middle Ages there was significant Muslim occupation of Jerusalem, resulting in the construction of the Muslim “Dome of the Rock” on the historic temple mount site.
Following the holocaust atrocities, wide Jewish refugee dispersion, and the desire of Great Britain to relinquish their colonial hold on the land of Palestine, on May 14, 1948, the United Nations recognized a new Jewish State of Israel with David Ben-Gurion as the first head of the State. Through President Truman’s leadership, the United States was the first major nation to recognize the modern statehood of Israel. Arabs were furious, resulting in the Six Days War almost immediately after the founding of modern Israel.
This history is vitally important to the present public debate because it roots Israel’s claim to the land as a divine right from ages past. A land given to Jews for perpetuity. A land spoken of in the biblical past and future. A land of significant theological importance. Jews are not an alien people given an inappropriate opportunity to live in this place by British colonial occupiers. The land is their land according to the promise of God, and this promise has been recognized by governments down through the ages.
We would also do well to remember the present facts of the matter. Israel has recognized Islamist terrorist organizations at their southern and northern borders. Hamas is in the south and Hezbollah is in the north. Both Islamist terror groups exist for the purpose of terrorizing and destroying Israel, and they are openly backed by the nation of Iran. On October 7, 2023, Hamas attacked southern Israel without provocation broadly killing, raping, and taking hostages for ransom. Hamas continues to hold many hostages of all ages, will not surrender, and openly claims that they will continue their terrorist ways when they are able again to re-group their strength. Nothing about this terrible incident should garner our sympathy or be morally confusing. The actions of Hamas were evil, unjustified, and have caused immense pain and suffering in the world. It is a marker of the deep ungodliness and lack of Christian moral sense that so many Americans are passionately sympathetic to recognized terrorists.
War is as ancient as humanity and for thousands of years Christians have been considering “Just War Theory.” What makes a war justified in the eyes of God? Saint Thomas Aquinas in his Summa Theoligica gave four basic categories that are worth considering in light of this war and others on the horizon. They are presented here, as well as my commentary, as it relates to the current situation.
- A just war can only be waged by a sovereign nation state. If an individual rises up in arms to settle a problem, this is vengeance not war. The individual should take his grievance to the court system of the land. However, nations have no higher authority of governance than sovereign national authority. The recourse of nations to gross harm is war. In this case Israel is a recognized sovereign nation.
- A just war must have a just cause, such as defense or avenging evil. A just war is never mainly about inflicting terror or gaining wealth. In this case, Israel is pursuing the just cause of taking back its imprisoned citizens and destroying those sworn to continue violence against is citizens.
- The combatants of the war must have morally right intentions. This boils down to the reality that soldiers should be at work toward a righteous end. Soldiers are not justified to act as thieves, rapists, and murders. War always carries with it death, suffering, and tragic civil disruption; this must not be the purpose of the war. Though the Israel counter-offensive against Hamas has brought civilian death, there is no moral equivalence between the initial attack of Hamas and the counter-attack of Israel. Israel has the right to self-defense.
- The fourth area of just war relates to the conditions of warfare. In the midst of war respect must be shown to not target non-combatants. There must be a desire for a peaceful outcome, not annihilation of the enemy. There should be proportional / minimal use of force to achieve the justified end goal. Israel continues to meet these conditions as it drives toward its end.
Because Israel is justified before God and nations, the United States has rightly sent essential aid to Israel to assist in rooting out Hamas and holding Hezbollah at bay. As Christians, we should give thanks for this. We should pray for the release of those still being held hostage by Hamas. We should pray for the salvation of Jews and the salvation of Arabs. We should pray for the peace of this region which has been forever plagued by generational cycles of hatred and vengeance. We should pray for the moral sense of our country to not exchange good for evil and evil for good.
May the Lord Jesus bring peace in our time,
Pastor Vic
Nigeria & Rwanda Updates
| Nigeria and Rwanda Updates Hello Redeemer, I bring you greetings from the body of Christ in Africa. Pastor Timothy Nwan from Mangu, Nigeria and Pastor Fidele from Gisenyi, Rwanda have each asked that I express their gratitude and give you a report of the things being done by the hand of our great God and King, through the means and generosity of His church. Nigeria As you know, Nigeria has suffered from rampant acts of violence for many years motivated by religion, tribalism, land disputes and government inaction. Most recently, in 2023, villages in the Plateau State were attacked on multiple occasions killing hundreds and displacing thousands. Redeemer learned of these acts and the subsequent effects through many God ordained connections. After traveling to Nigeria and meeting with Pastor Timothy, the elders of both Redeemer Stafford and Redeemer Spotsy agreed to partner with him and others to provide assistance to the fellow believers in the region. |
| Through your generosity, we have been able to coordinate and provide food to thousands of displaced people. There is enough food to last several months until they can return to their land. |
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| Among the many items we gave to Timothy and his people, were t-shirts. We brought as many shirts as we could carry. These shirts were donated by friends of Justin and Molly from Live 2540, a Christian organization that provides free health care to children in West Africa. |
| Upon returning to the US, we continued our conversation with Timothy and learned that the displaced people were sleeping on the ground and were exposed to a malevolent little worm which resulted in significant illness to the people. To combat this, funds were provided which allowed for the purchase of 670 mattresses and blankets. In the coming days we will be helping those who had their homes destroyed by the attacks rebuild. |
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| Most recently, after the immediate physical needs of the people had been met, we wanted to turn to their spiritual needs. The vast majority of people in the area do not have a Bible or a worship songbook of their own. Last week, you helped Timothy and others purchase 800 of each for the believers in the area. Once collected, he will distribute them. Rwanda Additionally, our brothers and sisters in Rwanda, whom we have known and partnered with for several years, have experienced significant destruction due to flooding and damaging rains. Some of your contributions to the benevolence fund will be utilized to assist in helping members of Pastor Fidele’s church rebuild. While the efforts to provide for the needs of our fellow believers and show love to those with whom we will spend eternity is of great importance, I want you to know that God has done what only God can do and has brought souls to Christ by empowering Timothy and Fidele to be out in their communities displaying the love of Christ. We have heard stories of Muslim men, belonging to the same groups who committed the attacks on Christmas Day, hearing and responding to the gospel in repentance and faith. Most of the time you do not get the opportunity to see how your gifts to the benevolence fund are turned into expressions of love and grace. I speak for the elders, deacons, and ministry leaders throughout the church when I say thank you for your generosity and desire to see the body of Christ cared for by its own. However, as in all things, the glory goes to our mighty King who sits on His throne and yet loves His own enough to care for their every need. Clay Hicks Redeemer Spotsy Elder |