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Response to Alistair Begg

Response to Alistair Begg

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”
Matthew 19:5-6

I have been monitoring a situation developing with Pastor Alistair Begg for some time. I have waited to write to you, hoping that the situation would change, but it has not. I must begin by stating that I have admired the preaching and writing of Pastor Begg my whole adult life. I listen to his sermons weekly, recommend his books, and have always hoped to visit Parkside Church to hear him in person – but when those we love depart from the truth we must correct them. I say this with sadness.

The situation that has developed has shocked the biblical Christian church. In a publicly recorded setting Pastor Begg was asked by a grandmother whether she should attend the transgender wedding of her grandchild. In a situation like this it is important to get the wording exactly right. The link below lists the transcript of the occasion at length and includes excellent commentary by Owen Strachan – transcript. Pastor Begg is known to clearly uphold a biblical sexual ethic that only allows for sexual expression inside a biological male and female marriage. He asks the grandmother if she has expressed this to the grandchild. The grandmother says that she has. With that said, Pastor Begg recommends that she attend the wedding and bring a gift, to fully participate in the occasion. The grandmother, and biblical Christians everywhere, are right to be shocked and saddened by this response.

In our lifetime, Christians will continually be buffeted by questions and pressure to compromise and eventually give up on a biblical sexual ethic. Sexual ethics is perhaps the most important theological struggle of our lifetime. God cares about how we conduct ourselves sexually. God’s moral boundaries, purpose, and design for human sexuality begins with the formation of marriage before sin entered the world. The sacred nature of God’s design in marriage is essential to human cultural flourishing and the blessing of God upon His church. The degree to which human beings’ rebel against God’s moral purposes in sexuality and marriage, directly correlates to decline, decadence, and cultural failing. The decadence and moral decline of western culture today is more related to sexual moral rebellion than any other single factor. If we love God, we will obey His will – this includes in the arena of sexuality. The ways of God are right, and they are also good.

To counter the counsel of Pastor Begg we must first look squarely at what homosexual and transgender marriage really are. A homosexual wedding is the celebration and joining of two people of the same sex in an enduring sexual relationship that God forbids and declares is an abomination (Romans 1:26-27, 1 Timothy 1:10, 2 Peter 2:9-10, Jude 7). A transgender wedding is a more perverse version of a homosexual wedding. A transgender wedding is the celebration and joining of two people of the same sex, but where one person through hormones and/or cosmetic surgery have altered their person and genitals to appear as much as possible to be of the opposite sex. The two of them marry as husband and wife, but are not such in any real sense. The grandmother referenced above feels the pressure of the non-Christian world and, presumably of her family, to attend such a wedding, but her conscience tells her this is a perversion.  She is right in her heart that she should not attend such an occasion.

What is a wedding? A wedding is to be a sacred and joyful occasion, but also a solemn time marked by vows and promises. These vows (being formally joined to another person by ceremony) are a symbolic picture of how Jesus relates to the church (Ephesians 5:22-33), and are also recognized by the state. Without the binding of the state, the endless joining and breaking of relationships and families would create societal chaos. Marriage affects the raising of children, holding real estate, bank accounts, insurance payouts, etc. As marriage declines and the Christian definition is further obscured, this chaos is more palpable every year. Our age believes that we are making progress in evolution by “expanding” the definition of marriage, but this is not the case. Marriage is not a product of societal agreement (able to shift and expand based on cultural shift and popular demand) but designed by God. Christians believe that God created the world with design and that human flourishing is in large part defined by how we relate to one-another within that design. One biological man / one biological woman marriage cannot be rooted out of humanity by the rejection of Christianity – whatever form that may come in.

Marriage is a common grace meaning that any one man or woman can enter this union and be blessed by doing so. The marriage of non-Christians will never be all that it could be in Christ, but it can make progress. Everyday married people come to salvation and their marriage relationship will improve through spiritual growth. However, a homosexual / transgender marriage cannot be redeemed. If either partner comes to salvation – as I pray they do – they will soon come to the realization that their marriage situation is unreconcilable with God’s will in sexual ethics. The individuals can be redeemed, but the union cannot. As Christians we are participating in a lie to celebrate and affirm a wedding that is counter to God’s definition of marriage. We cannot declare as good what God has declared sinful. There is no way to attend a homosexual / transgender wedding without it being construed as an act of affirmation. Once affirmed, there is no meaningful ways to reverse one’s position toward the couple or within the family / friend circle. We cannot follow the advice of Pastor Begg.

My response to this dear grandmother would be as follows: You cannot attend the wedding. However, turning down the invitation will be a defining moment in your relationship with the person who invited you. You should clearly associate your inability to attend with your Christianity. If you are daily living as a faithful Christian, this should not come as a surprise to the couple that invited you. It is never a surprise when people act according to their dearly held convictions. We would never think of inviting a practicing kosher Jew over for a pork bar-b-que. We would never invite a vegan over for steak and eggs. We would never ask a Sikh man to remove his head covering for the national anthem. Why, because each of these things would be deeply offensive. Out of respect for that person’s sincerely held beliefs, we do not intentionally ask them to violate their beliefs. We certainly don’t heckle them or overtly shame them. However, this is not the case with biblical Christians in America today. Christians are entitled to the free practice of their religion. We should not be ashamed to state that we have a sexual ethic that is at odds with others around us.

Because we morally disagree with someone, and as such, will not attend their wedding, does not mean that we hate them or are afraid of them (phobia). It means that we morally disagree with them. For our part, we should continue to reach out with gospel love and seek to maintain meaningful relationship where possible. Just because we cannot in good conscience attend a homosexual / transgender wedding does not mean that we cannot speak to that person respectfully, share the gospel with them, and invite them into the sphere of the local church. Attending the wedding is an act of affirmation. Engaging them with kindness is related to seeing them turn from their morally sinful ways and find salvation in Jesus Christ.

Pastor Begg believes that going to the wedding would be an unmistakable act of love that would help move the person (couple) toward salvation. I disagree. There are two clear steps to salvation in Jesus: repentance and faith. Affirmation and faith are not the same thing, and do not have the same result. Stating that you disagree with something but then going along with it anyway, sends a mixed and confusing message. We must be clear in holding the line of sexual ethics and marriage. It’s not a grey line. It’s a line that is under assault. Love alone will not work to achieve repentance and change. There must also be clear truth.

By disagreeing with Pastor Begg are conservative Christians “cancelling” him? I hope not. Pastor Begg is otherwise a devout and faithful Christian, I just disagree with him on whether we should attend homosexual / transgender weddings. However, this one point of disagreement is a significant point. To me it’s a significant crack in the foundation of Pastor Begg’s work. Like any foundation crack, you should regularly monitor it. If the crack grows larger, the foundation damage will begin to appear inside the house. At that point, the crack must be repaired, or the integrity of the entire house will come into question. I pray earnestly this is not the direction of Pastor Begg.

May the Lord give us wisdom, courage, and His love to live as Christians in our time,
Pastor Vic

Uprooting Anger

Uprooting Anger
A Book Suggestion by Marcie Cramsey

“Anger is ‘hot’; it often ‘burns,’” evaluates Robert D. Jones, author of Uprooting Anger.[1] Anger is a strong emotion, whether divine or human. Of late, humanity burns it brightly. If I were a professor, I would give our world an A+ in anger gone wrong.

The news headlines scream sinful wrath. You don’t even have to watch or read the news to witness the fury of sinful man unleashing itself on others. You see it in traffic, the grocery store, schools, workplaces, and, sadly, the church and home. We also witness its horrific aftereffects on relationships and the dignity of human beings.

David warns, “Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil” (Psalm. 37:8 ESV). Paul, likewise, commands, “Be angry but don’t sin” (Ephesians 4:26 CJB). We learn from both men that anger has consequences and can be felt and acted upon sinfully. Most people who want to avoid both outcomes of unrighteous anger ask, “How do I refrain from anger, and how do I stop being angry with sinful feelings and behaviors?”

One of the best books to answer these questions is Uprooting Anger by Robert D. Jones. (You can check out a copy in our church library). Jerry Bridges (another great author) describes Jones’s book as biblical, practical, and masterful. I agree! It’s one of the most comprehensive books on how to discern the difference between righteous and unrighteous anger that I have read. It does not end with definitions, though. It gives practical biblical ways to deal with the heart behind our sinful anger and how, from minor irritations to explosive wrath, we can submit ourselves to the Holy Spirit’s way of dealing with it.

Jones defines anger as “Our whole-person active response of negative moral judgment against perceived evil.” [2] Anger itself is not sinful. But why we are angry, who or what we blame or want to protect, and what we expect as a remedy is where sin is seen. Jones suggests that most human anger is unrighteous, for it “always starts in the heart, with evil desires and wrong beliefs-lusts and lies.”[3] Before you object, let me explain.

The most revealing truth in this book is the difference between righteous and unrighteous anger. Many people believe they have righteous anger until they take a hard look at the following criteria for it:

  1. Righteous anger focuses on God and His kingdom, rights, and concerns, not on me and my kingdom, rights, and concerns.
  2. Righteous anger is accompanied by other Godly qualities and expresses itself in Godly ways.[4]

In this book, you will walk through scriptural exhibits that illustrate divine anger, as seen in the Father and Jesus, compared with anecdotes of people’s unrighteous anger. You will learn how to assess your anger by asking yourself the following questions:

  • Does your anger react against an actual sin, as the Bible defines sin? Or are you just inconvenienced and not getting your way?
  • Does your anger focus on God and His concerns, or does it meditate on your own concerns, wants, and desires?
  • Does your anger coexist with other godly qualities and express itself in godly ways?

As believers, no matter how angry, we are called to express the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). Unwillingness to submit to the Spirit’s fruit indicates we have indulged ourselves in unrighteousness.

James 4:1 gives us a great place to look at why we are unwilling to submit to the Spirit’s fruit, “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?”

Jones will guide you to look at the passions that are warring within you. He mentions that even our good desires can become sinful if we desire them too much, making them a demand. Suddenly, the good desire no longer wants what God wants; it wants what “I” want. There is no limit to what one will do to get it in this state. From manipulation, condemnation, withdrawal, and explosion, a person who serves their wants is doomed to corrupt their good desires.

Uprooting Anger gives clear steps to overcome our sinful desires and lusts to “be angry, but not sin.” You will uncover your underlying false beliefs and selfish motives. You will learn to repent and embrace God’s forgiveness and enabling grace. As you mature in understanding righteous anger, you will also learn to take responsibility for your behaviors and identify the evil your anger exacts on God and others. What freedom you will gain when you confess your unrighteous anger and find forgiveness from God and others! God will teach you how the gospel can reorient your perception of hard situations and hurts. Using scripture, Jones will instruct you on making a workable plan that avoids unjust anger.

Uprooting Anger is a Bible study on the topic of anger. It could be used personally, but it would benefit you more to work through the material with another believer, counselor, or in your small group. Exercises at the end of each chapter will help you work out the lessons taught.

I’m attending The Master’s Seminary online and finishing my degree in Biblical Counseling. I had to read this book for one of my classes. As I worked through the material, the two chapters that really stuck with me were “Anger Against God” (Ch. 7) and “Anger Against Myself” (Ch. 8). These are two areas I often encounter with people I counsel.

The solution to anger against God is to repent of our remaining unbelief and rebellion. Jones encourages us to reject the ideas that deny God’s goodness, power, and wisdom. We must praise God’s righteousness, love, justice, and sovereignty. To be angry at God is to assume that God, at times, does and is evil and makes unjust decisions, all of which are lies of the devil. On the other hand, Jones teaches us how to lament our hurt and hardships to the Lord while maintaining a posture of praise and reverence.  

Jones offers insights on the why behind one who is angry with themselves. It may indicate they don’t fully grasp God’s forgiveness in their life or minimize their sinful nature. People who cannot forgive themselves can be oppressed by regrets and failures, making themselves contentious people. They may evaluate their life through their own “righteousness” rather than God’s. Finally, they assume the role of judge that rightly belongs to God, not to them.

You will unpack each of these and so much more in the book. You will get to the root of your anger and uproot it through the gospel and God’s biblical solutions.

In closing, I will share my experience with the book. I spent time doing the exercises in the appendixes. “Pictures of God’s Forgiveness of His People” lists seven passages in scripture about God’s forgiveness of His people. In one sitting, I read each one, reflecting on my sinfulness. I was incredibly humbled by God’s immense forgiveness of me! I couldn’t help but ask Him to overwhelm me with His enabling grace to forgive others as He has forgiven me.

Besides learning to forgive others, we must be warned that unforgiveness lays a snare for us. It gives Satan a foothold in our hearts and keeps us from being and living the way God desires. Jones says it well, “Unresolved anger affords Satan a port of entry into the church’s life. It is a way in which believers, sadly, side with God’s archenemy. We further the evil one’s destructive agenda to destroy God’s people.”[5]

Do you lack peace in your life? Does anger quickly erupt in you? This is likely not due to someone else, a situation in your life, or a pattern you learned from your parents. It stems from you not dealing with the anger these outside influences have only revealed in your heart. Peace is not found in controlling or changing the other person or the problem but in aligning your heart and responses with God’s truth and His Spirit. 

–Marcie

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[1] Jones, Robert D., Uprooting Anger, 19.
[2] Ibid, 15.
[3] Ibid, 22.
[4] Ibid, 29-30.
[5] Ibid, 162.

Gospel

Gospel

“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 6:23
 

Every Christian should have a clear understanding of the Gospel message – the good news of salvation through Jesus Christ – and how to share that truth with another person. Sharing good news should never be scary or intimidating, but joyful and filled with hope! Below is the best way I know of simply and truthfully sharing Gospel of Jesus Christ: God – Humanity – Christ – Response.
 
God: The conversation of our relationship to God begins with understanding correctly the character and being of God. This begins with the reality that God objectively exists. God is not an idea or a debate topic, but our Creator and the final authority of every person who has ever lived. Every person alive lives under the authority of God whether they choose to accept this or not. God has character attributes that describe the nature of His person. Of those many attributes it must at least be understood that God is holy, eternal, and perfect. God is holy in that He is set apart from all humanity by through having no corruption or sin in His person. He has forever existed in perfection, which means nothing can be added to His character to make Him better, and nothing needs to be taken away for improvement. In God’s holiness, He is passionate about pursuing righteous ways that He might be glorified by His creation.
 
Humanity: This definition of God presents a serious problem for every man and woman on earth because we are sinners. Every person has intentionally lived in countless ways that are in rebellion to God’s righteous law and failed to do the righteous actions we ought to do (sin by omission). We are all separated in relationship from a perfectly holy God due to our sin. This does not mean there are no generally good people in the world. The world is full of people that will help the homeless in time of need. Parents who will love their children. Children who grow up to be responsible law abiding adults – but that is not the point. The point is that none of those generally good people can meet the standard of God’s perfection. We all have done countless things that are corrupt in motive, motive, and thought. We have all left undone actions that should have been done. No person can stand before an almighty and holy God with confidence in judgment. This leaves us all in a condemned state before God
 
Christ: Because God is love and full of mercy, He made a way for His holiness to be satisfied and His mercy to be given to lost sinners. God the Father, sent God the Son to be the Savior of the world. Christians believe that God exists as a trinity: God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit – one God. Jesus (God the Son) lived a full human life, yet He was also fully divine. Jesus Christ was God incarnate (God in the flesh). Jesus Christ was Emmanuel (God with us). He lived a perfectly holy and righteous life. Jesus committed no sin and left no righteous thing undone that He ought to have done. His glorious life is recorded in four different accounts in the Bible – the gospels according to Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. If you have never read these accounts for yourself, I encourage you to not take someone else’s word. Read about Jesus for yourself! Even during the trial at the end of Jesus’ ministry the corrupt judge (Pilate) declared three times that he found no guilt in Jesus. Jesus was crucified not for His own sin, but for your sins and for mine. It was the will of God that Jesus go to the cross so that the justice of God might be satisfied. One perfect man bearing the sins of the guilty.
 
Response: What does this mean for us? It means that we have, through Jesus, the opportunity to be forgiven our sins and have peace with God. Many people attempt to work off their guilt before God, hoping to outweigh sin with good. This will never do because it does not relate to justice. No person has ever been charged with a crime, come before the judge for their initial appearance, and been released because they otherwise lived a good life on the whole. The offense at hand, the crime for which the person was brought in, must be adjudicated. If found guilty, the price of the crime must be paid by fine, prison time, or death. For human beings before a holy God, all will be found guilty, and the penalty will be an eternity of hell – punishment and separation from God for rebellion.
             
However, through Jesus our Savior, we can repent (turn away from our sins), ask to be forgiven, believe in Jesus as the Son of God, and be forgiven of your guilt before God. You are adopted into the Kingdom of god and may enter into the presence of God in heaven. All that stood between us is forgiven, there is peace with God! Those who repent and believe have been given new life – eternal life! The bondage of anger, addiction, sexual sin, lies, and pride are broken in the life of he who believes. By grace and mercy alone, new life begins that will never end!
 
Will you respond to the life and message of Jesus Christ? Will you turn away from this world and the dead-end of your sinful life? Will you acknowledge God for who He is and confess your sins, and receive eternal life in Jesus? This is good news, good news that you can get down on your knees today and receive!

Hudson Taylor

Hudson Taylor

“Jesus answered them, ‘Have faith in God.’”
Mark 11:22 

             
This will be the first in a series this year entitled Victorious Christians You Should Know. I will follow the outline of Warren Wiersbe’s book by this title and introduce you to one amazing Christian from the past each month. Church history is so important! It’s both encouraging and inspiring to hear how Christians have sought the Lord, lived for Him, been sustained by Him to accomplish great things in the Kingdom of God, and then die and pass into eternal life. We are the church in our time! We must take up the cause of Christ in our day and live for Jesus with dedication and passion – laying down our lives that the life of Christ might be lived through us. I hope these short sketches will inspire you to read more about each Christian life and go out to live a more earnest and uncompromising Christian life.
             
Hudson Taylor
               
James Hudson Taylor was born in England in 1832. He was born into a devout Christian home with a father who was a lay evangelist and a mother known for her passionate prayer. Hudson’s father was greatly burdened for lost souls in China even before Hudson was born, praying that the Lord may send someone to reach them with the gospel. In this home Hudson was raised to love and trust the Bible as God’s word, and to believe that an earnest personal relationship with God was possible through faith.
             
In his teens Hudson was serious about seeking God’s will for his life. By focused and continued prayer Hudson asked God to lead and direct his life. He eventually felt a distinct call to the people of China. He was able to read a book about the Chinese people provided to him by a local congregational minister. After reading the book, he told the minister that he believed it was God’s will that he go to these people and preach Jesus to them. The minister asked Hudson how he ever intended to get there. Hudson replied that like the apostles of old he would trust God to supply what was needed to fulfill the call. The older minister replied, “Ah, my boy, as you grow older you’ll get wiser than that!” But to the contrary, this passion to live by faith, and glory in the provision of the Lord became the foundation of the China Inland Mission. Hudson never promoted for funds, but prayed and trusted God to raise up what was needed – that God may get all the glory! As he prepared for the mission field, Hudson became well known for extreme economy, personal self-denial, and simplicity. He had to largely support himself from age 16 onward. He understood well what it meant to trust God for daily provision well before he went to China!
             
The China Inland Mission became known for many ground-breaking and effective aspects of mission work. First, it was inland. This meant that Hudson and his staff did not stay in the western expatriate communities congregated at the ports. They ventured into the heart of the country that was totally unreached. Second, Hudson was known for intentionally accommodating himself in every cultural way that he might better present Bible truth to the people (1 Corinthians 9:22.) He wore traditional Chinese dress and drew his hair long into a Chinese ponytail. He did not attempt to school Chinese people in western ways, but in the ways of Christ. Third, he demonstrated the tremendous strength that can come from ministry together with a devout wife. Hudson and Maria Taylor were often referred to as a match made in heaven. Together they strengthened each other’s weaknesses, and lifted each other up to become greater together than they ever could have been alone. Fourth, together they were fearless in facing struggle, disease, and seemingly insurmountable struggle. Fifth, he was cooperative. Hudson wanted to see the lost come to Jesus, not to his ministry. He sought western Christians to enter Christian missions, not just his mission.
             
His life was marked by three key verses. Mark 11:22 ‘Have faith in God.’ Hudson had a real and powerful faith in a real and all-powerful God. He would carefully seek God’s will by Scripture and prayer. When he was confident that he knew what God would have him do, he would proceed where he was led by faith. He was thoroughly convinced that God’s work will never fail! Hudson lived what he called “the exchanged life.” This meant the life of Christ exchanged for ours in real daily living. He believed that every Christian has the opportunity to daily walk with Jesus in a real way that bears the joy and strength of Jesus in our lives. Our struggles, fear, and weakness – exchanged for the peace, joy, and provision of God.
             
1 Samuel 7:12 ‘Ebenezer, hitherto has the Lord helped us.’ Hudson’s ministry was everywhere marked by full dependence on God. If the Lord did not open the doors, provide for the needs, and bring the increase in souls – the ministry would have failed. The China Inland Mission was not built on the charisma of the founder, nor on the wealth of London, but on the power of God displayed in weak servants of Jesus.
             
Genesis 22:14 ‘Jehovah-Jireh, the Lord will provide.’ Hudson and Maria had the two words inscribed – Ebenezer and Jehovah-Jireh – on plaques which they always kept on the mantle wherever they resided. Every time supplies would become desperately low at a mission facility Hudson was famous for saying, “Then the Lord’s time for helping us must be close at hand.”
             
Hudson Taylor died at age 73, in inland China still pursuing the missionary evangelistic call on his life. He was buried in Chinkiang, China. By his death he had stirred an entire generation of Christians to view foreign missions in a different way. Countless Chinese came to salvation through his ministry, and the China Inland Mission became the foundation of the modern house church movement of unknown millions of Christians in China today.
 
Further reading on the life of Hudson Taylor:

  • Hudson Taylor’s Spiritual Secret, by Dr & Mrs Howard Taylor, Moody Press
  • Hudson and Maria Taylor; A Match Made in Heaven, by John Pollock, Christian Focus Publications

Fundamentals of a Healthy Marriage: LOVE

Fundamentals of a Healthy Christian Marriage: LOVE

Love God and Love your Spouse

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong doing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, Hopes all things, endures all things.”  1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Christian marriage was designed by God as a basic part of how men and women should relate to each other. We were created by God for relationships, and Christian marriage is at the center of this design. This enduring relationship was instituted by God before sin entered the world. It was put in place for our good and God’s glory. It was designed to press us toward godliness and to make society possible. I say Christian marriage to be specific in my biblical definition – marriage between one biological man and one biological woman. Any other definition departs from God’s intention and purpose. This will be the first in a series of articles reminding us of the foundations of a strong Christian marriage and practical ways that we can strengthen the joy and endurance of our marriages.

There are three basic foundations to a healthy, joyful, and life-giving Christian marriage. These foundations are love, service, and forgiveness. If you keep these fundamentals in focus, your marriage can maintain a strong even keel throughout the decades. But we all know that pressures, tragedy, and sin enter in to undermine our marriages. I strongly encourage you to return to fundamentals when you or your spouse know something has been lost in the joyful step of your marriage. Begin with these three fundamentals. This week I’ll start with love.

Love is the foundation of Christian marriage because love is the master virtue of the Christian life and the first fruit of the Holy Spirit in our lives. We’ve all seen loveless marriages. Couples sitting at dinner on their phones, totally disengaged from each other. Couples that sit together with obvious distance from each other and seem to never touch each other. Couples that always make sure to have the kids between them when taking pictures. Couples that intentionally live separated lives by workplace or schedule. Couples that constantly take shots at each other to undermine and accuse. Marriages that have deteriorated into business relationships that revolve around raising children or preserving pensions. The love has gone out. Marriage without love is a tragedy, but sadly there are zombie marriages all around us – marriages that died long ago but go on in a state of active death. 

If any of these things describe your marriage the world will tell you that divorce is the answer. You should go find someone else that will better meet your needs. But God hates divorce and selfishness. Instead, there must be a return to the foundations of Christian marriage to assess what has gone wrong and labor by God’s grace to restore what has been lost. This is possible, will turn your heart toward the Lord, and result in joy the world cannot know. 

Let’s begin with the origin of love. Love is the first and primary fruit of the Holy Spirit in our lives. This means that in Christ the Holy Spirit gives us love. He teaches us how to love and by His sanctifying work strengthens us to love when we ordinarily would not. This means that you cannot love your spouse in the beautiful and life-giving way that you should without the work of the Holy Spirit. Foundationally this means two things. First, if you have not put your faith and trust in Christ Jesus for salvation you are not a Christian and do not have the power of God’s Spirit indwelling your life. You are instead attempting to live the Christian life without the power of God to enable you. You will fail in this moralistic attempt. No man or woman can walk in the glorious and good ways of Jesus with out the strength of the Holy Spirit. Second, the path to love in marriage is not directly through action toward your spouse. The primary step is toward abiding in Christ (John 15). Only when you learn to love Jesus will you learn to love your spouse in the perfect way of Jesus. 

The primary way that a husband and wife walk in love together is by going in the same direction. When husband and wife are both seeking hard after Jesus this aligns their lives. They are both pulling in the same direction under an authority higher than themselves. This is never an equal pull. One spouse or the other will seek harder after Jesus at various times over the years of marriage, but this is where two are better than one. This is where you pray for, encourage, and point each other toward Jesus. When one is weak the other will be strong, but together you seek Jesus and in seeking Jesus your hearts become united in love. Be humble before Jesus in His word. Be together in church more. Be in small group more often with your spouse. Simply walking in these habits consistently over years will do more for the love and joy of your marriage than intervention counseling. These are healthy habits that cultivate love through spiritual formation and togetherness. 

After committing to these basic spiritual steps, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 gives the practical map for how you ought to demonstrate Christian love toward your spouse. These steps are self-sacrificing and will require you to call out to Jesus for change in your life, but we also know that these ways are good and beautiful. We know that Jesus is right to call us to these ways. God help us! I strongly urge you to look carefully at this passage and labor over how to practically act in these ways toward your spouse. By practically and authentically living these ways out toward your spouse you ARE loving your spouse.

Patient / not irritable: Bear with your spouse and do not lose your temper – no matter what! Pray for self-control to tame your impatient, angry, and irritable tongue. 

Kindness: Whereas patience may be the absence of anger, kindness turns this to the positive. By kindness you actively work to bless your spouse through actions that show love. This is also directly spoken of as a fruit of the Holy Spirit.

Does not envy: In love you rejoice in every success and advancement of your spouse. You genuinely want to see their life blossom and grow. You never ever want to advance yourself at their expense. Their success is as your own success. Instead of envy, you should be your spouse’s biggest fan!

Does not boast / is not arrogant: Boasting consists of exalting yourself at the expense of others. You raise up yourself by putting others down. This can never happen in marriage. In marriage you should instead be ever-praising your spouse. You should go out of your way to publicly and privately speak highly of your spouse.

Is not rude: When you are rude, you are not putting others first. Rudeness displays a lack of self-control and specifically demonstrates that you don’t care about embarrassing or offending your spouse. 

Does not insist on its own way: It’s one thing to express your desire about an issue of taste or conviction, but in love you should never insist that such decisions go your way. This is selfishness and shows a lack of respect for your spouse and their preferences. In love, there should be a give and take that shows respectful deference to each spouse at different times.

Not resentful: Love does not bear grudges. In Christ we forgive sins. I’ll address that at length in a few weeks.

Rejoicing in truth: You should rejoice with your spouse in every victory, in every achievement, and in every step forward in their life. Look for ways to celebrate growth and progress in their life. Never relish failure or sin in their life, pressing them down further into the ditch when they are already low.

Bear, believe, hope, endure: When you vow “for better or worse” to love and honor your spouse, you are pledging yourself to this last section concerning love. Hard times will come. Storms will batter the house, but when your foundation is on Jesus the house will not fall. Always give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Believe what they tell you. Hope in the future, setting your hope fully on Christ Jesus (1 Peter 1:13). Endure hardship together with your spouse. Face the trouble of the day as the two of you against the world – not the two of you against each other.

If you are walking with Jesus and actively living these things out, the Holy Spirit will bear a beautiful love in your marriage. If you refuse these ways, and turn away from Christ, love will dry up in your marriage. Let’s focus this week on the fundamental of love in our marriages!